


Outlets

by GayTrashDove



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Eating Disorders, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29278089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayTrashDove/pseuds/GayTrashDove
Summary: For Toph, Zuko, Lin, and Kya, they find bad outlets for their emotions.
Relationships: Lin Beifong/Kya II, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 51





	1. Toph

**Author's Note:**

> This will take a look at the four characters from the summary and their own versions of self harm and how they deal with it, and how those around them react.
> 
> I'm not sure if there will be any relationships mentioned. If so, possibly KyaLin (since I love that ship). Let me know what you think.

"Um, Toph," Katara started, "What happened?" Katara took in the bruises coloring Toph's torso. While on Ember Island, the Gaang had decided to take advantage of being on the beach. But as Katara looked over at Toph coming out of the house and down to the shore, she noticed the younger girl's entire midsection was mottled with various bruises, along with a few peeking out from under their shorts.

"What are you talking about?" Toph asked, seeming genuinely confused.

"You look like you got buried in a pile of rocks. Did you have a training accident?"

"What?"

"Toph, your entire stomach and I'm guessing thighs are bruised."

"Wait, you can see bruises?!" Toph asked, shocked.

"Yeah, they're purple and red and blue at first and then fade to yellow, or... Why am I explaining colors? They're visible." Katara answered, "What did you think a bruise was?"

"I thought you just felt them... I didn't know you could see them..." Toph trailed off, worry creeping into their voice.

"So what happened?" Katara asked again, hoping to direct the girl back to the original question. "Do you want me to heal them for you? It looks painful."

"I'm fine, Katara. You're right. Just a training mishap." Toph rushed as she spoke. "I actually think I'm going to skip the beach and take a nap." Toph turned on foot and headed back into the house.

Katara watch the earthbender make her escape before heading down to the rest of the group. Aang, Sokka, Zuko, and Suki were all already splashing in the waves. Upon seeing Katara, minus Toph, Sokka asked after the girl.

"Well, she came out in her swim clothes, but her entire stomach and legs were bruised so I asked what happened. Then I had to explain that bruises were visible because she didn't know. She got weird, said she had a training mishap, and then said she wanted to nap instead," Katara finished. She noticed that Zuko got a weird look on his face while the other three just seemed to nod and go back to their activities. 

Suki called Katara over to join her, giving Zuko a chance to slip away unnoticed. He stopped halfway between the beach and the house to wring the water out of his pants, thankful no one seemed to ask why he decided to swim in his regular pants and not swim clothes. 

He made his way up to the house, finding Toph's room. He heard the grunts of pain and the sound of flesh being hit. He sighed, knowing he was right in his concerns. He raised his hand to knock. Giving a few short raps, waiting for a response.

Toph cursed the wood floors. She couldn't sense people. The knocking made her drop the rock she had been using to hit herself with. Why did Sugar Queen have to see the extent of the damage she had dealt herself? Why the hell were bruises visible for that matter? 

The knock came again. Toph side, sliding the rock under the bed before going to open the door. 

"Hey," Zuko said, awkwardly.

"Can I help you, Sparky? Why aren't you at the beach with the others?"

"Katara told us about the bruising she saw and how you said it was a training mishap. But that didn't really add up since you don't have training accidents... And well, I thought I might know what actually caused them so I wanted to check on you. Um... Yeah," Zuko managed to get out, rambling a bit.

He should have expected the door slamming in his face. He sighed and knocked again. 

"Go. Away." Toph said from the other side.

"Toph, please, let me in."

"No."

"Look, I don't want to but either talk to me or I tell the group what I think caused those bruises." Zuko hated giving her the ultimatum, but it was best to stop this behavior before it got as bad as his had.

All was silent for a moment before the door slowly cracked open. Zuko took that as his permission to enter, slipping in and shutting the door behind him.

"How do you even know what happened?" Toph asked from her spot on the bed. She was curled up at the head of the bed, hugging a pillow to herself as she propped herself up against the wall.

"Because I've also used my element to punish myself," Zuko didn't hold back. Toph was blunt and would probably respond best to Zuko not holding anything back. 

Toph's face showed surprise. "You burn yourself?" 

"I used to."

"Why?"

"Why do you hit yourself?"

"I deserve it," Toph said in a small voice.

"I thought I did too," Zuko stated, "but I didn't. And Toph, you don't either."

"You don't know that!"

"No one deserves to be hurt. Let alone hurt themselves."

"I do," Toph said, no room for argument in her tone.

"Look, I know I'm not going to change your mind. Uncle wasn't able to change mine when he found out. But I'm here for you if you need to talk. And... I'll try to cover for you with the others, but I won't lie if they ask me directly. But please, consider telling them. We are here for you." With that, Zuko patted her foot gently, as it was the only part of the girl close to him and he wanted to offer some comfort. He was getting up to leave when Toph reached out for his wrist.

"Can- can I feel the scars?" Toph asked hesitantly.

"I would but they're on my thighs, kinda hard without taking off my pants."

"Not like I can see anything, Sparky. I just- just... Need physical proof I'm not alone," Toph mumbled, "That's probably dumb, isn't it?" 

"No, Toph. It isn't. I understand it." With a sigh, Zuko decided to let her. "Just let me guide you hand so nothing accidentally gets grabbed."

Toph let out a small laugh. Zuko smiled, glad he was able to get her to smile a bit. He sat on the bed after removing his pants, now just in his under garments. He took the girls hand and let her feel the small, finger-tip shaped burns. Her face remained emotionless.

Eventually she pulled her hand away. "Thank you," was all she said. Zuko quickly redressed.

"Toph, I'm going to go now, but please, consider talking to the others."

"What if I stop?" Toph asked.

"That'd be great." Zuko said, but Toph heard the unspoken "but you won't." And with that, Zuko left, leaving Toph to mull over what just happened. 

***

Zuko made his way back to the beach, seeing the questioning looks on his friends faces, he simply explained that he wanted to check on Toph. The group seemed to except that explanation at face value and left it at that. 

At dinner, Toph still hadn't emerged. The group was now growing worried. Katara decided to go check on her, brining a bowl of food in case she was hungry.

The rest of the group sat and chatted until they heard Katara cry out from the direction of Toph's room. They all raced to see what was the cause. They stopped in shock, seeing Katara on the floor next to Toph, cradling the girl in her arms. Toph's midsection was heavily bruised, more so than that morning. A large rock laid next to them. Toph wasn't moving, and was breathing faintly. 

Zuko strode forward, lifting the girl in his arms. He figured she had internal bleeding from hitting herself too hard with the rock. He motioned for Katara to join him as he laid the girl in the tub in the bathroom, filling it with water so Katara could heal her. 

Katara quickly snapped out of her shock and got to work. She confirmed to the nervous group that it was internal bleeding, but she had managed to heal it, along with the bruising. 

When she was done, Toph was still out, most likely exhausted, emotionally, from the day. Zuko picked her up and let Katara use waterbending to dry her off before carrying her back to bed. He heard the confused whispering of the group. He was going to have to tell them. Toph was too much of a risk. Too rough on herself. Too strong and not knowing her own strength.

***

The Gaang sat around the fire out in the courtyard of the house. Toph was still sleeping, and while no one wanted to leave her alone, they needed to talk and discuss what had happened. 

"I just don't understand what happened to her. It's not like her to be so sloppy with her bending," Katara stated worriedly. 

"She wasn't being sloppy," Zuko sighed.

"Of course she was! Did you not just see what happened?" Aang asked, perplexed.

"She meant for that to happen," Sokka spoke up, his voice barely a whisper, his eyes trained to the ground.

Suki reached out to comfort him and Katara and Aang shared looks of surprise that morphed into looks of concern. Zuko just moved from his spot by the wall, to finally join the circle of friends around the fire. He was staring into the flames as Katara spoke back up.

"But why would she want to hurt herself?"

"Same reason I did," Zuko said with a sigh, "she thinks she deserves it. I'm not sure why, but she's hurting and it's how she's coping."

"That's a bad way to cope," Aang mumbled.

"Wait, you... You hurt yourself too?" Katara asked, voice breaking, trying to will Zuko to break his sight away from the flames to meet her eyes.

With a slow nod, Zuko confirmed what he had said. "Back when I first got banished. I would burn myself. The pain became addicting and it was the only thing I found that helped."

"Do you still-" Sokka trailed off.

"No. It took a while, but I learned to channel the energy into my training. But when I went back home, after Ba Sing Se, I relapsed. I haven't for a few weeks now. Haven't felt the urge, thankfully."

The group sat in silence, digesting everything. It was Aang who made the first move, wrapping Zuko in a hug, with the others quickly following. It was that scene that Toph found as she made her way into the courtyard.

"Toph," Katara stated simply, catching sight of the girl from her position in the group hug. The rest quickly breaking apart to turn to the girl. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I have to face the music and I don't want to," Toph replied with a grimace as she made her way over to the warmth of the fire. Toph sat down, waiting for the questions, but none came. She could feel their pitying glances, and it irritated her. "Just say what you want to say!" She shouted.

"We don't know what to say, Toph," Suki told her.

"How can we help?" Aang interjected.

"You can't," was the defiant response.

"You can't keep doing this, Toph," Katara told her, motherly tone in place.

"And whose going to stop me?"

"We will make sure someone is with you at all times, Toph. This isn't a habit you want to start," Zuko said with a serious tone. The others quickly agreeing.

Toph glared in the direction of the group. They didn't understand. This was the only thing that helped, that made her feel normal. 

"Toph, please," Katara said, "let us help. Whenever you feel like hurting yourself, just come to us. We will figure something out."

Toph continued glaring, giving a single nod. She heard the relieved sighs from the group. It hurt. And she clenched her fist, intent on hitting it against her thigh. They knew, why should she hide it. But Zuko was there, unwrapping her hand and pulling her into a hug, letting the others quickly join. Toph let herself she'd a single tear.

***

It took a long time for things to sort out. Toph still lashed out, at herself, at others, at inanimate objects even. Anything to direct the energy towards. There were times she slipped. Zuko told her it was normal. The urge never really went away when things got too tough, but she did at least learn to find healthier outlets.


	2. Zuko

It was only a few weeks since Zuko’s banishment and he was a wreck. In front of his crew, and his uncle, he masked it with anger and strictness. But alone, he felt like he was vibrating with energy that had no direction. It was this that led him to a very bad discovery.

He had failed to find the Avatar at the Western Air Temple, and had stormed back to his quarters on his ship. He started throwing balls of fire in every direction, quickly spinning and not paying attention in the least. When one of those fireballs came too close, the heat was searing, but not enough to burn. Zuko paused.

He held up a small flame in his hand and watched it. Slowly he brought his opposite arm up and to the fire, letting the flames lick his skin. The burn became excruciating, but he held his arm in place, letting the damage be done. 

Once he let the blame extinguish, he stared at his arm. That horrible feeling was gone. He felt calm, empty, and it was welcomed.

*

As time went on, he realized the large burns were quickly taking up too much skin, and his arms were too obvious. He switched to heating his fingertips and burning the skin on his legs. (These burns went unnoticed by uncle, and he was not forced to a healer under the assumption he had yet another training accident.) 

For two years this method worked. Every time he felt out of control, like he had failed, he would shut himself away and burn his flesh. It was a sad irony given the scar on his face, but he felt like it wasn’t enough. He deserved worse. 

He should have been surprised he got away with it as long as he did. And if uncle hadn’t barged in one day to give an update on a new tea he had found, Zuko might never have been discovered. 

Iroh had stopped dead at the site of his nephew sitting on his bed in loose shorts, thighs exposed, and a multitude of burns, of various ages, smattering the skin. Iroh lifted his eyes to meet Zuko’s. Upon seeing the fear, he rushed to his nephew’s side and drew him into a hug, careful to not brush against the fresh burns. Zuko broke down in his uncle’s embrace. 

“I’m sorry, Uncle,” Zuko cried.

“No, nephew, it is I who is sorry. I should have noticed you were hurting.”

“It’s my fault. I’m not good enough. Not strong enough.”

Iroh pulled back, giving his nephew a sad look before pulling him back into the hug. Words would not help, if history proved accurate, but Iroh still told him, “You are always enough.” Zuko just cried harder.

*

A year was spent trying to break the habit. Zuko had grown addicted to the pain; he craved it. He realized even when he didn’t have a trigger, he was still so used to the ritual he   
had created that it was hard to avoid. 

Iroh’s concern in the first few months was to ensure the burns were not becoming infected, just trying to reduce the level of harm. It was a fine line he had to walk to avoid   
pushing Zuko too far away and making sure his nephew was okay.

Over time, Zuko learned to channel the energy into sparring, sometimes too roughly. There was of course the occasional slip, but he had become accustomed to letting Iroh know as soon as they occurred. Iroh never blamed him, just helped him tend to the burns, understanding, not pity, on his face.

*

After Ba Sing Se, Zuko relapsed. Hard. His left thigh now sporting a hand print, much like his face, but this time done by his own hand. If anyone noticed the limping those first few days, no one spoke up. Although he saw Azula raise an eyebrow on occasion. 

It became a daily habit once more. Mai had seen them, but she seemed content to ignore them. A blank look on her face, betraying no emotion. Zuko figure the scattering of cuts on her limbs were not all training accidents.

It wasn’t until after joining the Avatar that he finally gained back a sense of control. His anger at himself faded a tiny bit as he started to make amends, and it helped. 

Then he came across Toph, hurting herself as he once did, still struggled not to, and he knew he had to speak up. She was too young to deal with this pain, but he knew that it was a life long issue she now faced. But maybe she could find a healthier outlet sooner than he did. She had someone who understood and could stand by her.


	3. Lin and Kya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to join these two chapters. Also to add in a bit of KyaLin at the very end.

A 16 year-old Lin sat on the edge of her bed, a sharpened scrap of metal resting in her hand. She looked down at her forearms, decorated in lines, some old and fading, some still bright pink and healing, and now some fresh and still bleeding. She sat in silence, watching the blood well up in little beads along each slash, contemplating, empty. 

She had wanted to yell. She wanted to scream and tell her mother off for once again being horrible. She wanted to tell Su to grow up, like she had had to. But she knew better than to open that can of worms. Instead she bit her tongue, stormed off to her room, and dug out the metal scrap she kept in her nightstand just for times like this. Her energy wound tightly, only dissipating with each new cut. She got her release this way.

Toph had stormed out soon after Lin had went to her room. Su was off somewhere in the house, doing who knows what. Lin sighed, put the knife back in its place and walked to the restroom, avoiding Su. She washed the wounds, but once the blood slowed, she left them open to breathe and returned to her room to curl up in bed, no tears found there home in her eyes. 

*

Toph finally came home after the blow up with Lin. ‘That girl was just so strict and uptight,’ Toph mused to herself. She could tell that both girls were in bed, soundly asleep. She made her way into her elder daughter’s room and sat on the edge of the bed. She reached up to brush some hair out of her face when her hand brushed against Lin’s arm. She paused. Lightly, Toph ran her fingers over the arm, feeling the ridges along the skin. Lin was still sleeping, peacefully. Toph frowned.

Toph made her way into the living room. It was late, she knew, but she picked up the phone nonetheless. After a few rings, she heard the click to signal someone on the other end.

“Katara?”

“Toph? Do you realize it’s the middle of the night? What’s wrong?” Katara asked, voice quickly morphing from irritation at being woken up and fading into concern.

“I need to borrow your eyes.”

“What?”

“I need to borrow you eyes,” Toph stated again.

“What for?” Katara asked skeptically. Toph rarely needed help with anything, so what was going on now?

“Can you just come over here? I’ll explain when you get here.” Toph’s voice seemed to hold a frantic, concerned note, causing Katara to quickly agree, letting Toph know she would be there shortly. 

As Katara made her way down the hall to leave, she passed by the bathroom, hearing the unmistakable sound of vomiting. ‘Kya,’ she thought sadly. The girl tried her best to hide her struggles, and denied everything the few times Katara approached her. Katara would have to try again in the morning. First, Toph needed her.

*

Katara arrived at Toph’s apartment, to find the woman with a contemplative look on her face. “What’s going on?” Katara asked again. 

“I got in a fight with Lin. Yes, again. No need to sigh, Sugar Queen. Anyway. I came back and went to check on her, and I felt something on her arm. It felt like a bunch of scars. I didn’t want to wake her though.” Toph still had that look on her face like she was trying to solve a puzzle that was missing a piece.

“Lin is a pretty rough kid. She no doubt has gathered some scars, Toph.”

“No, these were in lines, like perfect rows…” Toph trailed off. Katara now catching the same concern that Toph was currently feeling. 

The two women made their way into Lin’s room. Katara felt like a creeper walking into the sleeping girl’s room, but if the scars Toph felt were indeed what she suspected, she needed to know.

As Katara approached the girl, she caught sight of what Toph must have felt. Lin’s entire forearm, on both arms, littered with perfectly straight lines. Scars and cuts. Some barely healed, and still trying to scab over in places. Katara gasped.

Toph quickly pulled Katara out of the room, shutting Lin’s door. “What was it?”

“I think she’s cutting herself, Toph. That’s the only way I can imagine someone getting that many cuts in that pattern…”

Toph slumped into the couch, putting her head in her hands. “That girl… Too much like me for her own good.”

“Do you want me to talk to her?” Katara asked, coming to sit next to her friend, wrapping her arm around the shorter woman’s shoulders.

“One of us ought to, and she won’t listen to me.” The two sat in silence for a bit, trying to figure out how to help the hurting teen.

*

Lin was pissed. Her mother was forcing her to go to Air Temple Island. Katara wanted to talk to her, but Lin just wanted to stay in bed. It was a ridiculously hot day, and the long sleeve tunic she had donned was not helping her mood. 

“Katara? I’m here.” Lin called out gruffly upon entering the house.

“In the kitchen!” Was called back. 

As Lin entered the kitchen, she found Katara and Kya sitting at the table. A plate of sweet buns sat in the middle, untouched. 

“Sit down, Lin,” Katara said simply. “I decided to just talk to you both together. Maybe you guys can find a friend in each other to help. It certainly helped Zuko and Toph that they had someone to understand.”

Lin raised an eyebrow in question at Kya. The older girl just shrugged; she didn’t know what was going on either.

“I know you have both been having a hard time,” Katara continued, ignoring the look the girls gave each other, “and have picked up some bad coping skills to deal with it.” Kya was looking at the table; Lin was trying to glare a hole into her head. Soon both girls were moving, trying to get up to leave before Katara stated in a calm, stern tone, “I will freeze you both to your spot. This is not a joke. You need to listen.” They sat back down, avoiding all eye contact.

So they all sat. It was like pulling teeth, in Katara’s opinion, but they talked. Kya acknowledged that her eating habits were off. Some girls had made fun of her the past couple years for her body type and it finally got to her. She was just trying to shed a few pounds. And she lost control. She agreed to let Katara help her get back on track.

Lin was another story. She was reluctant to give up the one thing that had helped. Kya looked at her with sad eyes; Katara’s just held determination. Katara had threatened to move Lin onto the Island and monitor her if it came to it. She admitted she knew that it’d take time, but they would find another outlet for her emotions, her pain. Katara decided to have her call Zuko and Mai. They would be more help. 

*

Years later, Kya would often find herself curled up on the couch with Lin, lightly tracing scars, absentmindedly. It had taken Lin a long time to accept them. To both quit adding new ones and to not feel shame at what she thought was a weakness. Besides the one time in Zaofu after reuniting with her sister, she still wouldn’t wear tank tops in public, always having her uniform to cover her skin. But at home with Kya, she was finally learning to accept them as part of her history. The two had relied on each other to overcome their struggles. Sometimes it seemed they fed off each other’s downward spirals. But it was nice to have someone understand and not judge. 

When Kya had left for her travels, Lin was just barely in a good place. Tenzin and she had started dating, and although he said he understood, she saw him often flinch at the sight of the scars. It was only years later, after Korra had come into their lives, that Kya and Lin found there way back to each other. 

Lin was still struggling. Every few years in seemed, she would slip. Kya, now in a much healthier place, became a safe place for Lin to turn to. And things started to settle finally. Pieces fell into place. Seeing Kya overcome her own struggles and find peace led to the last piece being found for Lin. 

Now, sitting on the couch with Kya, enjoying a quiet evening, she was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this didn't turn out quite like I thought, but eh. It started as just a bit of a loose idea and I tried to expand, and this is what it became. Hope it was okay.


End file.
